Friday, March 31, 2006


My latest project really scares me. Though we are still some weeks away from engagement, the team is very keyed up. On edge is a better way to put it. We're shooting at the top and our risk of exposure is huge. The target is 'allied' with us! They know our capabilities, though they cannot prove it will be us. They will suspect...there will be blow-back.

Collateral damage estimates are also very high. 10-20 possible. I'm not going along this time but I am assisting Wil in building it. He'll deliver the pill to the mule. The target's spouse will be the delivery system and caviar is the catalist. It's the single item on the menu that has a narrow constituancy in order to limit the casualties.

There's pressure from a source personally associated with the project to affect Hamas and limit their motivations. There are so many people trying to pull the stings and get hold of our tools...

I got to speak to mom. She thinks I'm working and living in Germany. I still resent very much the limits on my freedom, but at least she knows I'm still alive.

Wil is most accomodating with regard to my personal needs. I can't say we are in love or anything like that. But we like and respect each other and the personal attention on the side helps with the loneliness. We are very discreet but I wouldn't fool myself into thinking our superiors aren't aware of our affair. Don't ask, don't tell, and keep the workers happy. Duty above and beyond, if you ask me. Not very flattering to me personally but we seem to enjoy our own company...

Friday, March 17, 2006

Another Bastard Bites the Dust

The Surbs were tough and this one cost me. I thought I was going to lose my arm, the damage was extensive.
I wasn't even anywhere near the lead on this one. It's taken the team so long to even get close to this guy. We lost several people and a few civies over the course of the last three years.

I was just the mule. Got to spend a few weeks in Belfast and Tartu. I had to carry around some other lady's baby as part of my cover. Shit, that was hard. How can you focus on anything, on the JOB? He was charming. Never so glad to give a baby back in my life.

I was caught in the cross-fire on the extraction when they tracked us down. Borchaque was a snitch and he got away. No doubt we'll need to take him out asap, if it hasn't happened already. He's got limited intel but he's a risk, according to Wil, just because he's seen a couple faces. Silver lining is the dendromer was flawless. I've a feeling this one was personal for someone up the food chain, a lot of 'someones'.

I've been out of commission for quite a while as they tried to save my arm, and no doubt my life. I spent two days in a coma and several more in ICU. My whole upper body was in a cast for weeks but I'm loose now, except for the arm. It remains in a cast and the meds are helping with the infection. I should have taken Wil's advice and let someone else deliver the pill, but I have to admit, I'm a junky for it now.

Death wish? Maybe. Nothing left to lose? Mostly. Need to get laid? Most definately. But the object of my affection is strictly hands-off now. We can appreciate that the work keeps us close, as well as distracted. I know we worry about each other and that can't help but color our perspective every time we get the green light.

Getting tired of masterbating.