Monday, June 26, 2006

Rush Junky in a Funk

Snore! It's been very quiet the last several days. The current projects are long-term and must be flawless. I'm involved with huge amounts of research for the job. But I've got serious ants in the pants to be doing something physical and dangerous. I've been continuing my physical and combat training to help take the edge off the cabin fever. I've been getting very high marks. Turns out I am quite the proficient with a gun. Who knew? Always hated them.

One of our handlers went down this week and we are suspecting that we now have competition from another lab. The pill didn't burn and passed in his urine. It's a pretty nano but not quite at our level of sophistication.

There's been some kind of debate lately as to whether our work classifies as 'chemical/biological weapons' or not. Since there's no regulation on nanotech yet, we still get to make the rules. But what the hell! We're killing people! Who the f*ck cares what we are classified as? God, it gives me a headache. What, are we supposed to me ethical and moral in our weapon of choice when we poison an entire room of people? And what will it matter anyway? We are far to good at what we do to be ignored let alone shelved. As long as I don't take a bullet I couldn't ask for better job security. Shit, I've become so harsh. I guess it's good most of my friends think I'm dead. They wouldn't recognise me. No longer able to wear pink. That's what Mickey calls it.

Wil has asked me away for the weekend. We're sailing the bay and stopping over at the islands to watch the birds. Might get in some diving as well. It gives me a strange feeling to be doing the things with Wil that I used to do with Pete. Funny how we think that love is forever and then, poof, it's gone and we move on and we wonder 'how did I lose that?' Silly, tho, since my experience was just a little different than the average break-up. Looking forward to it while trying to keep my feet on the ground. I still can't help feeling like he's humoring me to keep me functional. Sometimes I feel the sting. Mostly, tho, I just go with it. What the f*ck. Love is fragile, life is short.


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