Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Fear and Questions

I'm not sure what to do? I can only assume someone knows what's going on, that they are watching me. Do they know about my little diary or has my poking around drawn them out?

But to what end? why tell me this? Pete 'was dead before he left' doesn't make sense because he died in the hospital. Unless it means he was exposed and the catalyst was initiated. But why? Who, and why when my baby was with him? Why involve a third party? Is this spook trying to tell me that cpt crunch was a victim, a tool, an excuse, a scapegoat? Was everyone meant to die in the crash or didnt' it matter as long as Pete did, or appeared to.

Is someone trying to help me find out or are they playing me? Silly question. I would already be dead. I've no doubt I was exposed at some time to a kswitch. Seems like the intellegent thing to do if you need insurance against unwanted behavior. The real question now is what do I do? Who can I tell? Shit, I'm blabbing over the net and not a soul is watching. I'd have to take off the mask if I didn't want to disappear under the rug. I can't involve my family. I have to just let it all go. that's what I have to do. Maybe that is the message after all. That I am alone so stay in line, do my job.

The job. I should be proud. I have been instramental in the development of 11 perfect weapons. They are simple to deploy, precise and unerring, nearly impossible to detect and there is no way to stop them once initiated. The shrinks tell us that we are actually saving lives in the long and short of it.


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