Saturday, October 01, 2005


It was only a mater of time. The stress of the last many weeks has brought on an episode of my MS. I tried to lie to myself for several days, write off the symptoms as something else. I cannot any longer. The weakness in may arms is profound. The insomnia, loss of mental clarity, the 'frostbite' in my hands and feet. It's been a while since the last relapse but I remember it well. God, how do people with acute MS live with this? For the last two days I make it until about 2pm and I'm done. My arms become too heavy to lift, my leg, leaden, my brain frazzled. I've had problems with space and time. Sucks to get up on the days off and make it all the way to the car before I realize I could have slept in. That is, if I could sleep. How long will it last? This sucks loudly.

There's a little good news, tho. I found the analyte in the double-blind study. Used something like Hups' squares as sensors. It was a wincy thing, silicon nanowire used to fry lung tissue when exposed to EMFs. But they were throw-aways. They weren't acutally used on the subject. There was alien RNA residue; pig? Who cares, they didn't ask me to identify so I won't. A thought: could the subject have been a transplant patient? That would explain the contaminant...

It's a go with Blazic's team. Approval came through and I transfer departments as soon as I get back from chicago. I don't have to change labs, tho. I still have mixed feelings about this. The team shrink has an appointment with me soon. I guess it's a chance for me to opt out. The duality continues. The scientist vs the humanist. Tho I must say my faith in humankind wilts as my faith in science grows. Is this the choice you faced? I can't expect the average person to understand what we do and why.


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